One Simple Solution - Part 2

After reading the post “One Simple Solution” somebody asked me if I keep the rock handy so I can throw it through my computer when I need to… . Hahaha! … As of now: The Gratefulness rock is still handy, and my computer is still intact!

One Simple Solution for Anger

Trying to manage anger doesn’t work. You can hold a lid on it for a while, but it keeps boiling within. Then, without warning, it boils over.

I recently had a constant frustration that wouldn’t go away. I found myself on edge and easily angered for days—actually, weeks. After trying unsuccessfully to control my rising emotions, I bumped into a solution that got rid of the anger and surprised me in its simplicity.

My problem started when I got a new computer. Since I intuitively make the wrong choice on computers, I had more than my share of frustrations as I tried to adjust to a new computer and an updated version of Word. Emotions were heightened by time pressure from trying to finish a book and standardize its layout.

Repeatedly I had several challenges a day. I often spent half of my day trying to solve computer problems. As days of aggravation turned to weeks, I became more and more frustrated (translation: angry). One day, when I was ready to throw the thing out the window, a quiet inner voice said, “You’re not very grateful for your computer, are you?”

Inwardly, I said, “Of course I’m grateful. I work on the computer all the time. I sure don’t want to go back to a typewriter! Besides, my old computer was dying. I’m grateful I could get a new one.”

“Grateful?” echoed the little voice.

“Well, I’m grateful when it doesn’t act up… . At least, there are times I’m grateful… ..”

I finally came to the place of agreement. I wasn’t very grateful for my computer.

It didn’t take much thought to realize what a blessing a computer is to facilitate communication. The more I thought about it, the more grateful I was. With a grateful heart, the inner turmoil was replaced with a sweet calm.

A few days later, I was shopping and spotted a little smooth rock with “Gratefulness” engraved on it. I bought it, went home, and placed it so when I look above my computer screen, it’s directly in front of me. I bought a reminder to help me not lose the peace I’d found.

It’s funny though, I haven’t needed the rock as much as I thought I would. My computer quit giving me so much trouble as soon as I got my heart straightened out. When I have a problem now, I’m more patient to work through it. And I find a solution more quickly because my brain isn’t short-circuited by anger.

Since my new insight, I firmly believe it’s hard (if not impossible) to be angry at something (or someone) while you’re grateful for it/them. Hmm, maybe that’s one reason God told us to give thanks for all things.

Being thankful is not the key every time. When I researched for Uprooting Anger, I discovered there are many other roots from which anger grows, but I sure am grateful to have discovered another one—ungratefulness.

Have you discovered any other simple solutions to conquer anger? I’d like to hear your story. (kay@camenisch.net)

Venting

Contrary to popular belief, venting anger through physical aggression-such as hitting a punching bag or a pillow-does not decrease one’s anger. In reality, such acting out only increases a person’s hostility.

Venting one’s anger does not decrease hostility; but rather increases it.

Unknown

The best answer to anger is silence

An Angry Man

“An angry man stirs up strife, And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression” (Prov.29:22).

Anger, by its very nature, tends to point the finger at the other person, blaming them for the problem. Whether you’re hurt, offended, or afraid, if you become angry, you become irrational and blind to your own faults. All you see is what the other person did that set you off. It seems it’s all his or her fault.

However, this proverb tells us that an angry man stirs up the strife. Furthermore, a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression, or wrongdoing! Those fingers point the blame back home! If I’m angry, I stir up strife and abound in transgression… . And there doesn’t seem to be room to debate the issue.

When our anger is stirred, it is good to exercise self-control until we cool off enough to get a level head and take an objective look at our own actions. So many times, I’ve wished I had paused before speaking. My words and my tone of voice stirred up strife. I could have avoided transgression. I could have kept things from blowing up in my face.

“Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).

The Consequences of Strife

The media has been riveted on our government leaders as they bicker over a solution to the debt crisis. Blame, back-biting and name-calling fill the news. The vitriol seems even worse after the debt-crisis settlement is signed. Americans—and probably the world—are tired of conflict. We’re ready for peace.

The economic climate today has led to pain and insecurity across the nation, but I believe even more harm is being caused by in-fighting. When leaders are unable to work together, it leads to anxiety, fear and insecurity in those whom they lead. That in turn leads to hesitancy to step up and take chances or make decisions. Insecurity and uncertainty paralyze. Consequently, problems are compounded.

Strife is destructive. The blame game and name-calling don’t build understanding or support for positions, platforms, or decisions. Tensions arise when opposite ideologies try to come together, but the country—its businesses and its citizens—need peace to prosper. It’s time to drop the vitriol. When tensions get high, the world does not need to witness the turmoil.

We long for peace as we experience strife’s destruction on the national level.

But the same dynamics dominate many families. Blame and back-biting parents lead to anxious, fearful, insecure children. Family leaders—parents—also need to work through differences in private. Children don’t need to hear blame, accusations, and backbiting—especially if their well-being depends on the outcome.

Anxiety, insecurity, and fear are destructive, especially during formative years.

He Who is Slow to Anger

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.